Sarah Palin, SNL's favorite punch line during the 2008 Presidential Election, resigned her post as Alaska's governor yesterday. While it's not clear why she stepped down, rumors have been rampant that she's gearing up to run for POTUS in 2012. Will she do it? Don't know. But I do think it's ridiculous for someone who unceremoniously (or maybe there was a ceremony, I heard the Elks Lodge Barbershop Quartet performed before her announcement, and afterwards, Todd Palin asked them if he could be their fifth member) quit their current political position to compete for a higher--if not the highest--office. Even though the GOP spin machine is set on high right now, I'm willing to bet there are some party sharks praying for a scent of Sarah's blood in the water come nomination time. And you better believe the issue of her resignation (and her integrity, and her commitment, and her general ability to lead) will come up over, and over, and over...
...IF she's foolish enough to run.
I, for one, don't think that's her intention at all. In '08 we were beat over the head with her folksy charm and every(wo)man persona. Then, we beat her over the head with how dumb some of that folksy charm sounded whenever you hit the replay button on the DVR. Regardless, I believe the hype. I think Sarah Palin is probably just like the average working American. Inasmuch, I think she's done what many of us, if not all of us, dream of doing.
She figured out a better way to make money.
"I'm out. Peace." She told her bosses (the people of Alaska) before screeching out of the parking lot with Jay-Z's Death of Autotune cranked to 10. That didn't actually happen, but you catch my drift.
DISCLAIMER: This is all speculation. But everyone is speculating over the long weekend. It seems like fun. Anyhow...
The Alaska governor's base salary is somewhere between 110,000 - 150,000 per year. Big money by my standards, but it comes with big headaches. Long hours, political and personal scandals (in the plus column, these can be shared with other governors), and the emotional stress of Tina Fey. While most people have to grin and bear such strain, Sarah recently signed a $7 million dollar book deal and has fame (a priceless commodity in these increasingly shallow times) that far surpasses the boundaries of her elected office. Think about it, how many governors can you name? In other words, the lady has options, and she's choosing to exercise them.
Here's where we stand: the governor gig is done and the presidency is a long-shot she probably doesn't even want to take. So, what's next for our favorite NRA member? I have some suggestions.
Basketball coach
In arguably the oddest moment of her resignation speech, Sarah used a clunky basketball metaphor to explain why she was stepping down. "I know when to pass the ball ..."
Okay. Cool. Now that that's over, let's put that b-ball knowledge to work. Having gotten to the big dance in politics, it's not a far stretch to think Sarah could lead a group of athletic young women to that other big dance, the NCAA tournament. And, if we're using the 7 million dollar price tag as our financial baseline, she'd probably cost less than Pat Summit.
Geography teacher
With 7 million in the bank, Sarah doesn't have to work for money. She can focus on things she loves and she's good at, like geography. Can you imagine the former governor of Alaska teaching our children that Russia's our next door neighbor? Given the state of education and what's being done to boost SOL scores, this would be an improvement.
Gun show model
What she loves. What she's good at. This is the perfect marriage of marketable skill and personal satisfaction. Sarah could channel everything she learned during her tenure as a beauty queen into becoming the face of personal armament. Picture this: she's in her rimless glasses, tailored jacket, and skirt pushing the latest in personal weaponry. I'm talking fully automatic .50 Caliber hunting rifles with laser scopes and explosive ammunition, delivered with the tagline, "You just became the moose's worst nightmare..."
Wink. Smile. Sarah.
Other Avenues
The world is Sarah Palin's oyster. I wouldn't be surprised at anything she did going forward. But, if she ran in 2012 and won, we'd have to ask ourselves: Would it really be the end of the world?
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